Think maternal thoughts
The mommy books all say that to achieve maximum output during pumping, you should think about your child and stare lovingly at their picture. Me, I prefer to kick the everloving snot out of people.Pumping is a drag, has been a drag and will remain a drag until the day six or so months from now when I finally get to "hang up the horns" as we working mothers say. At first, I was so anxious about getting it right that I wouldn't do anything but stare at TheGirl's snapshot as the machine went wonk-wonk-wonk, suck-suck-suck. Then I started listening to the iPod. Then I realized that if I balanced the obnxious plastic cups just so, I could free up one hand to read. Then I got so good at hooking the things on under my bra, I freed up two hands ... perfect for working, or reading, or playing with my Playstation Portable.
Now while I do my maternal duty (Moo!), I unleash my inner 15-year-old boy. I was playing tennis for a while, but that got boring. Ditto soccer. Then I discovered Grand Theft Auto. This would be the game that has Congress and the FCC and assorted other censoring types up in arms for its depictions of violence, sex and general mayhem.
The game is reprehensible. And I love it. There's a basic plot, and all sorts of missions your gangster alter ego can perform for money, ammo, women, etc. But I prefer to freelance, wandering around town stealing cars and beating people up. Sometimes, I am ashamed to admit, I steal cars and run people over. Sometimes I use a hockey stick or a baseball bat. Sometimes I go out of my way to antagonize the little virtual police officers so I can lead them on a high-speed chase that invariably ends with my character "wasted." Sometimes I stick to robbing little old ladies for their meal money.
This is horrible, I know. I'm sure a shrink would have a field day with all the rage that is coming to the surface. All I know is that it helps pass the time a lot better than staring at that cute picture of the little one and thinking about all the ways in which I resemble a cow.
posted by AnnaRay at 11:52 AM
11 Comments:
Thank you! Thank you for helping me know that I am not the only mama playing games instead of looking at sweet pics of her babe while pumping. For me, I just have my cell phone games, one of which is a pinball game (not so interesting) the other is a role playing type game where you own a disco and are trying to make $/popularity. It's so goofy and yet I'm so addicted. It's also easily played w/ one hand. Again, thank you for the validation :D
I find that the screwdriver is one of the most amusing weapons...
To think that this is the post I chose to chime in on. Maybe the Pig was right about some of us all along.
How do I find the screwdriver? So far all I've found are the hockey stick and the assault rifle. I do love taking out longshoremen!
The books aren't always right. Way to go. Whatever works. Can I play when I visit?
I don't have any playstation capacity on this computer, so I read ShesaidShesaid while pumping! :)
Holy crap! You read my mind because...GUESS WHAT I WAS DOING WHEN I TURNED TO THIS BLOG? I despise all things "chestal." Pumping is a drag, you are 100% right. I despise it. I hate having him chomp and pull on my bits even more. I hate that when I try to feed him it hurts like hell and it takes one hour and then I STILL have to give him 3 ounces of whatever I have in the fridge or **GASP** formula, because he has eaten everything I have. He has hollow legs. Apart from reading your blog, I am watching the best show ever made, Freaks and Geeks. That show had it all right. Also, I have to say that I am sick and tired of the Lactation Gestapo who act like if you dont just love the whole "tit in someone's mouth 24-7" thing, you are a shitty mother. They really are all up in your face. It gets old.
Wow. I am cranky at night. I still hate pumping though.
I only have the PS version. Try these fun and non-cheating (totally cheating but so what - we only play to kill anyway) cheat codes:
UP, SQUARE, SQUARE, DOWN, LEFT, SQUARE, SQUARE, RIGHT = Weapon set 1
UP, CIRCLE, CIRCLE, DOWN, LEFT, CIRCLE, CIRCLE, RIGHT = Weapon set 2
UP, X, X, DOWN, LEFT, X, X, RIGHT = Weapon set 3
just enter during game play.
Wow, I guess it's tough being a mom. It seems I lucked out in the big lottery.
Pig
P.S. What was the Pig right about?
It would be a lot tougher without all the support many of us are lucky enough to have. I am trying my damndest to be positive and all. Still, be glad you are a man, Mr.Pig.
An update: This week I moved on to "Fight Night 3." I coulda been a contenda!
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