Random notes on TheGirl
Her nostrils are shaped like hearts.
She looks just like me.
She seems happiest and most awake at 4 a.m.
She has long, delicate fingers, which she did not inherit from me.
She has a little patch of fur just above her tushie and a racing-stripe bald spot stretching across the back of her head. She did get at least one of those from my side of the gene pool.
Her body resembles an offensive lineman's, plump yet solid with plenty of folds.
When she's eating, she likes to wave one arm back and forth. When she's done, she likes to pop off and find something interesting to stare at in the distance.
Turn ons: Nipples, real and fake.
Turn offs: Not being held. Naps.
Favorite pasttimes: Sucking. Peeing. Being held. Staring at lights, her mommies, her big brother.
New tricks: Sticking fingers in mouth. Cooing.
Best feature: Most people would say her big blue eyes, although I'm partial to the tushie fur.
I head back to work next week, and I'm so glad and so guilty. I want to be one of those women who can find fulfillment staying at home with their children. But after three and a half months at home, I'm pretty close to bored out of my mind and clinically depressed. It's not that I don't love TheGirl -- I adore her little furry tushed self. Yet I don't really enjoy spending my days staring at her, much as it shames me to admit that. I do feel some guilt -- OK, let's be honest, a LOT of guilt -- about depositing her in day care, especially so young. At the same time, a happy mommy is a better mommy. Right. Right???
posted by AnnaRay at 12:19 PM
6 Comments:
You shouldn't feel guilty. It is very normal not to want stare at your child. When I had Jake I really didn't want to be around him that much and I thought there was something wrong with me, and I was angry at myself for feeling that way. I never really spoke about it to anyone. It was only after giving birth to Becca that I realized that this feeeling is very normal.
Don't get me wrong: I love being around her when we're actively doing something. It's the long hours of sitting around doing nothing that have driven me to the brink of madness.
Any time you feel the doubts, just say "Sandy" and go do what you have always loved.
(Having not seen the tushiefuzz, yes, I'd vote for the eyes.)
Poor Pig said: Poor little guy.
Do you know the bit David Cross does about his friend's kids?
I was looking for it but couldn't find it. I'll track it down and send it to you.
One day she might insist on having that fur waxed off. Brace yourself for what could be!
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