The first of many
I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating for our friends out there with children on the way: No one ever prepared me for just how emotionally painful parenting would be. Case in point ...
TheBoy had a friend from school over yesterday afternoon to play. He really likes this kid. I know because whenever I ask him what he did at school, he says, 'I played with Brennan.' (At least, that's what he says when he decides to give me more than, 'Nothing.') According to all the adults, the play date went great. Both boys had fun. Neither one wound up bloody or too bruised.
But when I tucked TheBoy in to bed last night, he furrowed his little brow and told me a different story: "Brennan says I'm not his best friend anymore."
When did he say this? "Today." Why? "I don't know."
There are, of course, two possible responses to this in my world. The inappropriate, gut level one, and the appropriate, adult one.
Inappropriate response: "Brennan is a horse's ass, and I am going over to his house right now to kick his ass."
Appropriate response: "Sometimes people say things they don't mean, just to be funny or to hurt your feelings. It doesn't mean anything, and I'm sure everything will be fine when you see Brennan at school, blah, blah, blah."
I gave him #2, although my heart was screaming for #1. But even the second response brings up all sorts of other questions. Why would Brennan say something like that? What did my kid do, if anything, to prompt it? What happened to my grand plan to ensure that he went through life without ever feeling left out or alone or like anything other than the most popular boy in the room?
And this is just age 3.5. I can barely imagine what the teen-age years will bring.
posted by AnnaRay at 3:44 PM
10 Comments:
And here is what I know as a mom. After having told you that little hurt, he will go to sleep soundly and it will be over. You, on the other hand, will grieve all night, sleep poorly, try to be especially sensitive to him in the morning, ask about it in the afternoon, and he will look at you like you are nuts. Motherhood rocks.
Speaking from experience, when kids don't get their way or they get mad and they act like well kids. They call each other names. Jake came home on many occations during first grade and said that he wasn't Harry's best friend anymore, and the next day both had forgotten that it was said. It's a stage that most outgrow. Lexi was very fond of saying to me when she didn't get what she wanted that I was not her best friend anymore. Of course my response to her was that I was her mother and not her best friend so I really didn't care. You can imagine that that went over as Rich would say, "like a fart in church."
I once asked a mother of three teenaged girls her secret for sane and decent parenting. All of her girls are lovely,smart,charming and very outgoing. She said, "Well, every night I have a glass of wine..."
Ha. Like one glass is enough.
screw all that. i'm kicking that kid's ass.
Ladies and gents, a new definition of the word "avuncular."
displaying the characteristics of a child-beating, reactionary uncle? I am sure that comes as a surprise to exactly no one.
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Third possibility: "I don't give a damn." If you care what anyone thinks of you, you're a hostage. Tough concept. though, to teach to anyone, no less a 3.5 year old.
Pig
"oh he's a lawyer.. oh, nevermind."
not that i disagree
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