One last thought
One last thought on hitchhiking: I think the rules change when you have a spouse, and then they change again when you have a child. When you're flying solo, take whatever risks you want as long, of course, as you're not putting other innocents at risk in the process. Jump out of a plane, pick up a hitchhiker, eat $1 sushi at a restaurant in the Midwest. Go for it.But when there are other people depending on you -- not just your life insurance policy -- it's a different ballgame. You have a greater responsibility to keep yourself out of harm's way, even if it's less fun.
Plus -- and this is the key in this situation, I think -- the responsibility isn't just to do what you think is reasonable and safe. Judybat asked me several years ago to stop eating meat at fast food places. Because I love and respect her (and because I don't to hear 'I told you so,' should I catch Mad Cow disease), I've agreed. I'm asking her not to pick up hitchhikers. These are the compromises we make in our marriage.
I will admit that she's absolutely right on one count: We see the world differently. I'm convinced every plane I step on is going to crash, and also that I'm going to be famous and filthy rich someday; she's convinced she's never going to die in a plane or win a lottery ticket. I do view the world as a darker place. Perhaps it's the journalism talking. Perhaps it's just brain chemistry. Either way, I believe part of being in a healthy relationship is adjusting your personal choices based on the fears and wishes of your spouse. Give and take.
Plus, as most of us have the good sense to know, I'm right on this one. So there.
posted by AnnaRay at 12:48 PM
9 Comments:
You'd think by marrying a woman I would have avoided this trap, but I'm constantly being reminded that I married my father.
I'm taller. And nicer. (Sorry Pig!)
Doesn't everyone end up marrying their father/mother?
how can we when they're marrying each other?
I suppose that should read: how can I.
Anna: Sounds familiar, just different wording form what I wrote. Not only that, but I told your wife over the telephone that in matters of this kind, she should acceed to her spouse's concerns and wishes.
Judy: You're right, you did marry your father.
Anna: You're right, you are taller and nicer; but everything else makes you Judy's father.
Pig
as someone who both jumped out of a plane, hitchhiked (in other countries) and picked up one hitchhiker (in northern california), I have to say that it does change when you have a kid. I also think that marrying someone who's a bigger worrywart than you is probably good for your health. ;) I definitely drive more slowly and carefully than before I met M.
I think the key is marrying someone whose worries are different than your own. Judybat frets about money. I fret about dying. It balances out nicely.
OK, heres a PARTIAL list of the things that I could not do because they make my spouse uncomfortable (if I cared)...
1. Sleep on half the bed (15-20% is my allotment)
2. Chew (I chew too loud)
3. Ride my scooter (with or without a lid)
4. Read in bed
5. Practice my guitar when she needs attention (when DOESNT she need attention?)
6. Work before 8am
7. Work after 4:30pm
8. Miss ANY of her cell phone calls
9. Charge ANYTHING on ANY credit card
10. Carry more than $100 cash
11. Spend any of that cash on anything but her.
12. Do anything on a weekend that isnt family stuff
13. Defer maintenance on our house
14. Continue to live in this house (she wants a bigger one)
15. Not enclose the porch
16. Not build an 800sf addition including additional basement and three stories on the back of the house she hates
And on and on and on and on.
The trick for me is braiding apart the things she really gets upset about, so I accumulate as much wealth as a man of limited means can and gave up heroin, crack and methamphetamine by way of compromise.
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