Too much information, perhaps
I felt a little differently about this test during our first pregnancy. Back then, I wasn't interested in taking it at all, because a positive result would not have made a difference in terms of how we would proceed with the pregnancy. AR said she would probably like to know if we were likely to have a kid with a disability, so she could prepare herself for it, but I thought it would just make me anxious for the rest of the pregnancy, and we were not going to abort, regardless.
Almost four years later, I'm not so sure what we would do if we knew we were going to have a kid with downs. I think we both lean toward abortion in that case, though the degree to which we lean varies from day to day. I'd like to say I'm thinking of The Boy's best interests - it would certainly be harder on him to have a sibling that demanded so much of their parents' attention. That is a concern, but if I'm being perfectly honest, I'd have to admit I'm thinking mostly of myself.
I am sure that I would love the child beyond measure, and I'm sure that the child's life would be no less valuable and joyful than his or her big brother's, but I'm not so sure I'm up to the added challenge of caring for a disabled child. Actually, I'm sure that if we were to find out once the kid was born that he or she had a severe disability, we would just deal with it, because that's what you do. I believe we humans can handle anything, really, when we have no choice but to move forward with whatever bad luck has befallen us. But when there is a choice ...
Stating it so plainly makes me wish we hadn't agreed to the test; I'd rather just let things happen and deal with the consequences. Is that putting my head in the sand? Perhaps, but let's hope the point is moot.
posted by judybat at 2:58 PM
8 Comments:
This is one of the hardest decisions anyone has to make, and I think more people than we would guess go through the same What If conversations. For what it's worth, Lisa and I had pretty much identical thoughts on the subject as you two.
It's worth a lot - thanks!
Referencing A Modest Proposal would be totally inappropriate right?
Only y'all know what right for you. Try to stay positive until you have a reason to do otherwise. Worry helps no one. I have to tell myself that ALL THE TIME.
So did you guys already have the Nuchal Translucency that showed something? Is the quad marker the same as the AFP test? I just had the NT this morning basically to see if there's anything that would warrant more invasive testing (CVS, amnio). They're waiting on the blood results.
Uh, what? We just had the, uh, the test thingy that shows if we are at a higher risk for downs or spina bifida or something else. Clearly I need to be paying better attention. All I know is we haven't heard back from the doctor's office, and that's a good thing. Apparently, they only call if the test shows reason for more testing. Or something.
Christ Almighty! That sounds like a diagnostic test they run on the Space Shuttle, not a human being. Isn't CVS a drugstore?
Ah, yeah, so you had the AFP/ quad screen. We had that one with Simone-- I think it's pretty standard these days since it's non-invasive. It's funny going through this all again after passing the 35 y.o. milestone, because boy howdy, that's when you get a ton of new tests offered to you! Good thing AnnaRay's such a spring chicken! :)
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