The choices we make
You learn a lot about yourself when you have a kid. Are you the kind of person who cares if your little boy wears dresses and prefers pink? Do you silently, or not so silently, judge other people? Will you spend a day rocking back and forth in the corner the first time you hear yours parents come out of your mouth?Some of these little insights aren't so pleasant. We are, for example, in a weird waiting mode this week, hoping against hope that we don't get a call from our maternity clinic.
Last week, we decided to undergo what's known as a quad mark screen -- essentially a blood test that tells you whether your own blood suggests that your fetus has a better chance than most of developing Down Syndrome, spina bifida or other problems.
Note how twisted the language is there: This is a test that tells you whether Mom has genetic markers suggesting some kind of risk for her child. It doesn't tell you whether there's something wrong with the sprout. It just tells you whether you should maybe consider having a more intensive test on the actual fetus. And, as our midwife warned us, there are reliability problems: According to one of those doctor-run websites, 90 out of 1,000 women will show a problem. Just five of those will actually prove true. And even if the fetus does have some sort of major issue, there's not much doctors can do to fix him/her/it.
So, um, why the hell would anybody under 35 take this test? First, it seems like a chance to prepare yourself for the difficult and unique parenting challenges ahead. Second, it's a chance to make some very nasty and emotionally wrenching decisions. Like ... if the fetus is less-than perfect, is it worth proceeding with the pregnancy?
See how much fun we're having? See how beautiful and joyous pregnancy is? See what fascinating and slightly troubling things we're learning about ourselves?
Being an adult sucks.
posted by AnnaRay at 11:51 AM
10 Comments:
What you said.
On the other hand, being a kid can suck too. Which can suck worse? Well, if you'd like to think about this problem, probably for several days straight, go read the short story about Rwanda in the recent New Yorker "Life During Wartime" issue.
Or don't, and think about fluffy bunnies instead. Hell, that's what I wish I'd done.
Sometimes ignorance IS bliss. Because you can know things, you must find them out. I wonder if things were easier for our grandmas, since they never had to undergo the battery of tests we now do. Everything was out of their control once they were on the pregnancy bus. Then again, they were having kids at 20, which is not the same as having them at 20+. There is less to worry about, physically, at that age, I suppose. That said, I am sure your little "resident alien" will be perfect. How do you feel?
How do I feel? Hmm, judging from the breakdown I had this morning when none of my work clothes fit, I'm feeling overweight, sleepy and very hormonal. But the gas has gotten better!
(FYI: I am wearing my fat pants at work for the THIRD day in a row. I told a woman a work that I was pregnant the other day and she responded, "I thought so. Your face has been looking a little puffy.")
You should have slapped her. The next time you have impending flatus, go over to where she is...
Wow. I think this post is reason # 765984 to not have children.
Like I need that kind of stress..
It's a beautiful miracle, bro.
I was thinking what cynicali said, but I am glad he said it. Kids scare the be-jeezus out of me.
One that I am thrilled I can watch you endure.
The test and the results and the general idea of the whole thing, coupled with you two enduring them, have aged me a tad. I'm sorry. There must be a better way.
As for the hormones and flatus, well, I'm rethinking my plane ticket. You said it: Being an adult sucks. How about some comfort for a loving relative?
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