Alpha males in training
The Boy has entered a delightful new phase: he must be first at everything. It seemed like a good thing for a while, as we were able to use it to our advantage to get him to eat (I bet you can't finish your peas before I finish mine) or clean up (I bet you can't put all the legos away before I clean up these puzzles) or just about anything (I bet you can't get up, get dressed, get in the car and fasten your seat belt before I do.) With his friends, however, this behavior is less than desirable, as he has a tendency to whine when one of his little buddies runs ahead of him or climbs up the slide first or gets to the water fountain before he can. Yesterday, he was actually bawling over the fact that he had to chase after one of his friends. He yelled for his friend to stop - so that he could get ahead, making his friend chase after him - and was furious when his friend did not comply.
Alas! The world is so unfair.
Today at the playground, he ran into another little boy, about the same age, who was going through the same phase. But this kid, instead of crying about not being first, made the other kids cry by pushing them out of the way so he could get ahead. Well, that's even worse I thought. As a parent, I'd rather have a kid who's crying because he didn't get his way than an aggressive kid who knocks down others to be first.
I think.
It's hard to say, really, that either one is preferable. If I raise my kid to stoically accept that you can't always get what you want, am I condemning him to the unhappy life of a capitulator? Should I instead be egging him on to get what he can?
Or maybe it's just a phase.
posted by judybat at 9:15 PM
4 Comments:
I may have some expertise in this area (watch out for those who think they know what they are doing when it comes to kids!!) and then again, maybe not. I'm going to guess that you will help the boy to pick his battles, and to take seriously those that are inportant to him, and arm him with whatever he needs to be able to make good choices about whats important to him. In sports it might be something for which he has a genuine aptitude (read: enjoyment). In business: Hey, its the same, maybe. But competing in everything, just for the sake of proving you are the best, all the time, strikes me as kind of like running and pissing at the same time. At three bit normal, but I do know many who still do this well into their 60's. Best of luck, you'll do fine, you're a good mommy. Pax.
By the way, his other mommy is a good mommy, too. I felt it important to note this fact.
Thank you, brother. The other day, the kid came into the bedroom while I was still trying to sleep and started stroking my arm and saying, "Good mommy, good mommy."
"Running and pissing at the same time." I get cramps just thinking about it.
Your story made me think of that scene at the end of The Incredibles where the boy is racing -- winning, slowing down, winning, slowing down. Oblivious, of course, to the *really* freaky challenging happening in the stands: that other kid asking out Violet.
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