Move over
There's a war going on in my bed, and I'm losing.
Judybat is a tiny, tiny woman. Not quite midget-sized, but fairly close. I am a giantess. Yet every morning, I wake up to find myself on the verge of falling out of bed and curled into a tight little ball. Judybat, in contrast, is splayed out across a good three-quarters of the mattress.
When I complain, she laughs. At me. When I try to shove my way over, she whines. Loudly. Lately, TheBoy has taken to crawling into bed with us. And guess what? He's a bed hog, too.
I'm not asking for much, just my fair half of the bed. I suspect I would sleep better, and be a lot less cranky, if she was only willing to cede some space. But the woman has claimed her ground, and she's not going to give it up without a fight.
posted by AnnaRay at 6:49 PM
19 Comments:
AMEN! On one side of a me is a wonderful woman who can't seem to sleep unless she's at a right angle and on the other side of me is a cat that won't move. I feel like Bella Lugosi when I wake up.
I think this is the real reason that, for years, you couldn't show two people in bed together on TV.
I heard a song about this once. It was called "I'm a Star-Shaped Lover", and it was all about how you're gonna end up sleeping on the floor. The singer would wave her arms back and forth in the air during the chorus, bumping into the accordionist who would get annoyed and move out of the way. Oh yeah, and they were both wearing some kind of outrageous pink tutus. Those were the days...
I think I got pretty lucky with my girlfriend... we're both spoon-shaped. ;-)
Ha! Found it! The band was called Cotton Candy Cabaret.
My husband says that sleeping with me is like sleeping with a windmill.
A bastardization of a quote from a They Might Be Giants song quoting something written on a bridge:
"I don't want the bed, I just want your half."
Here's what I love about you guys: You have absolutely nothing to say about great presidents, and everything to say about my sleeping situation. Bravo!
And by the way: She did it again last night.
I would commiserate, but I'm actually the bedhog in our relationship. I mean, don't get me wrong, there's the occasional night when Lauren literally pushes me off the bed, but for the most part, I'm the one who, at 6 inches shorter than her, takes up 3/4 of the bed.
I maintain that I'm just trying to be closer to her.
Freshman year of HS I was sent to the head of the history department's office for acting out(go fig!). He didn't actually talk to me about my behavior but rather pointed to every plaque in his office with the names of students who excelled in history. Your name, AnnaRay, was on all of them. I learned then and there to never discuss history with you, allstar.
it's all about the California King, baby. End of your problems. Everyone can sleep like a starfish when the bed is wider than you are tall......
Sorry, Hon. I couldn't comment on the president blog. I just didn't know how to reconcile that a child born and bred as a Southerner could chose Lincoln as the number 1 president. Comes from studying history in Southern schools.
Rebecca: That's exactly the line Judybat gives me. Can't we just imagine that we're close? I mean, after all, we're asleep.
Lovely Dez: It would not matter. We could be sleeping on a bed that spanned our entire bedroom, and she would still squeeze me into a space the size of a suitcase.
That's true. And yes, Cynicali, I'll be singing Ana Ng as I establish my perimeter. (In fact, I was thinking of that song just last night!)
Half? You want half? Oh, dear.
I would just settle for having my eighteen inches on the side not invaded regularly.
And maybe a corner of the blankets every now and then.
-Michael
I didn't really want to say anything about Lincoln, but now it's out there...so...I am also a product of Southern schools, and we never got Lincolnized. I appreciate the difficulty of the man's situation, and I think he suffered a great deal with his decisions. I get angry about Reconstruction and all that it was and was not ( I know Lincoln was not in charge of that). Nor was Mr. Lincoln an advocate for ending slavery in the beginning of his presidency. He just wanted to sort of phase it out, if I am not mistaken.
Apparently it runs in the Bat family: I sleep very near to but not really with a close relative of Judybats and have not had my ass or my head in the bed since she got knocked up with your only nephew. I actually slept with my head on the nighttable for nine months, three different times. Absolutley no shit, I couldn't make that crap up, just not clever enough. She used to draw a line that she felt was the middle...measure the center of your headboard and chalk a perfectly sraight line at 22.5 degrees to the footboard. Someone else can do the calculations, but that IS NOT half the damned bed.
Damn you Cassidy, I've now got that song on endless repeat. They remind me of Uncle Bonsai. I don't know that HTML stuff so here:
http://www.unclebonsai.com/
Also the later band Electric bonsai band rocks my world. Go northwest folk!
/i'm such a geek
I find that people are much more amenable to bedsharing than cats. I have three fairly small cats, and I get much less of the bed than I have with any of the last three women I've shared a bed with. Of course, when one adds cats *and* another person...
On the other hand, I do recall a discussion with C, in which she maintained that since there were two of us, each of us should get 50% of the bed. The fact that I am just over 6' tall and stocky, and she is a bit over 5' tall and similarly built had no effect on her calculations.
Shhh! If Lisa ever finds out that smaller people can dominate the bed, I'm screwed.
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