Guest speaker

Listen, people - I am a dog, and I know a few things. Like, five. I know at least five things, and one of them is that when the little human is sitting at the table in the room where all the best smells come from, food is going to fall on the floor. That's why we position ourselves right there at your feet, you see? Because whatever falls on the floor is OURS, man.

So I think it's very poor form for you people to be dropping stuff off that table that's not food, because then you get a situation like this:




Tables are for eating, people! Can we all agree on that? I mean, it's bad enough that the small one wants to play jump rope with my tail and I'm not even allowed to bite him, but now I have to go around looking like Gorbachev?




Seriously. It's humiliating. And yes, world leaders are one of the five things I know. The others are sit, stay and the capitol of Georgia. Now if I could only figure out what that smell is under the porch.