The Great Cable Debate

Judybat recently had the brilliant idea of dumping our expensive, corporate-owned phone service for cheap and high-tech service through Earthlink and our DSL line. On the one hand, I was thrilled because this is yet another sign that Judybat is becoming more and more like me the longer we stay together. Example: I'm a gadget freak, and finally she is too. I'm grumpy and antisocial, and she's getting more so by the day. On the other hand, I was slightly terrified of the switch. Because . . change is hard.

This change has been especially hard. When it works, this thing is great. The phone sounds clear. Our long distance is $20 a month. We look cool and modern to our friends. But once or twice a day, the DSL connection just stops working. There's nothing obviously wrong. The green lights on the modem are still there. But when I pick up the phone, there's no dial tone, and when I go to Television Without Pity to catch up on all those TV shows I don't watch anymore, the Mac yells at me.

It's very sad. And incredibly, teeth-gnashingly frustrating, especially for my poor sainted spouse, the one dealing with customer service at Earthlink.

There is, of course, an obvious solution. We could get our phone service through a cable modem. But that would mean doing two things we're trying to avoid: Giving money to Comcast and getting cable.

It's not that I don't want cable. In fact, I would love it. I want to watch my Tar Heels and my Yankees and late-night soccer from countries where they talk funny. I want black and white movies. And adult cartoons and Jon Stewart. And Larry David and Jennifer Beals, although not, please, at the same time. I miss C-Span. Seriously. I miss it. I used to take such pleasure in programming my TV to skip past Fox News and Pax. And I know that somewhere out there in the ether, there's a cable channel showing "Northern Exposure." If I could find that, I might never leave the house again.

We can get a cable modem without cable TV. But really, we can't. The temptation would be too much. Plus, the cable conglomerates do a wonderfully nasty job of making sure that it's cheaper to get the complete package than just one service.

To her eternal credit, Judybat says I can have cable if I really want it. But we both know I can't. Because I like my job, and my income plays a vital role in keeping her in tofu and corduroy, and we both know what would happen if we had TV reception that was actually watchable: I would never leave the house.