On to more pressing issues
I have a serious question related to current events, national security, our relationship with the rest of the world, etc. Here it is: How does John Bolton eat/talk/sleep/do anything with that huge honking 'stache?I'm serious. I do not understand mustaches. I need some help getting this, on an intellectual level. Are there any experts out there? You know, menfolk? Or ladyfolk with menfolk? Myself, I have very little experience with such things, except for my own unfortunate facial hair. And there's really no comparison there.
Any assistance y'all can give me on this subject would be great. It's not that I don't see the appeal of a nicely groomed lip ornament, but I have to say I don't quite see the point, what with all these modern razor doohickies they make now.
Among my questions: Doesn't food get stuck in there? Doesn't it get hot in the summer? Wouldn't that kind of shaggy growth be outlawed in some countries? Are we risking an international incident?
Thank you in advance for your time and patience as I attempt to wrap my brain around this one.
posted by AnnaRay at 5:40 PM
19 Comments:
I agree. It looks itchy, gross and like it has detritus in it. I feel the same way about fake nails. Gross and nasty. I do not understand deliberate facial hair at all. -Vanessa in NY
In beer-drinking parts of the world, they're called "flavor savers".
I'm not sure how anyone tolerates being kissed by someone with one. A woman comic once said, "Guys -- if you ever want to know what it's like to kiss someone with a moustache, take a toothbrush and shove it up your nose."
Having coarse hair, myself, I try to keep mine trimmed back and away from (a) my lips and (b) anything I'm eating or drinking.
I haven't the slightest idea why some people have let me kiss them on a regular basis (given the 'stache), but I'm glad that some do. When women I'm interested in seem uninterested in me, I presume that it's because they don't like facial hair. (It's an emotional safety thing -- I hope you'll indulge me.)
As for why anyone would keep one? I just like the way the goatee and moustache look on me. They also help me look older, which I also enjoy (seeing how people often guess I'm much younger than I want to be perceived). Later in life, I suspect I will stay bare-faced.
The funny thing about Bolton's lip caterpiller is that it's the traditional liberal arts professor moustache: big, gray and unkempt. (Wingnuts usually like theirs clipped short.) For the longest time, I gave Bolton the benefit of the doubt because there was no WAY a guy with one like his could be a rapid conservative instead of a pipe-smoking, Walt Whitman-loving ex-radical.
As I said, I find certain neat and trim facial hair attractive, in a sort of "empirically, you are attractive" way. But the big and bushy stuff frightens me.
A moustache...aesthetically speaking it looks very Che Guevara and radical or it can also look priestlike. The whole thing wigs me out thinking about crusty things stuck in there. I had a college boyfriend who grew a 'stache/beard, and I felt like I was kissing a broom. Also, I have noticed that when guys get paunchy they grow this stuff to try and give themselves a jawline that beer and television have taken away. -Vanessa in NY
You're a hard, hard woman, Vanessa.
Personally I have a hard time keeping facial hair as groomed as it should be. For this reason, I have forgone the goatee in lieu of the simple, and in my opinion more personally flattering, soul patch and chin hair. If I was cool I would know the technical name of that, but, as I don't seem to have enough time to keep facial hair groomed, I certainly have no time to find the name of the facial hair style I employ.
I think that the 'stache should be limited to 12-14 year old boys, wearers of goatees, and Phil Jackson.
Is it weird that I find Phil Jackson kind of sexy? In a faux-Zenmaster way?
Yes. Definately weird. Disturbing and weird.
Ha. I suspect you don't even know who Phil Jackson is.
I learned this weekend that the Spanish word for "moustache" is "El Bigote." That's one of the most compelling arguments for facial hair I can think of.
It's not that weird.. I mean I think Phil Jackson is a damn good looking man.
Who IS Phil Jackson? Also, the Spanish word for beard is "barba." It freaks me out to know also that the wrd for chin is so closely related. It is "barbilla." Ponder that.-Vanessa the Harsh :)
hmmm... what freaks me out is that moustache is mouse with tach in the middle.. what is that? I mean tach is short for tachometer which is an instrument used to measure the speed of rotation. That being the case is a moustache the device used to measure the rotation of a mouse and if so, by extension would a mousetrap then be a form of braking system rendering the moustache useless?
-this response brought to you by the letters three and blue.
I think you're actually talking about a Mouseketeer.
Which sounds like the punchline of a really dirty joke about Annette Funicello and moustaches, but I'm not going to go there.
cynicali, you need to be doing either more or less drugs.
I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
Isn't it interesting how much George Clooney can look like Clark Gable if you squint and look at the photos? Clark WAS rockin' the stache, but I like him better clean-shaven. I am swooning.
...from Vanessa, who cannot log in for some unapparent reason:)
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