I want a new drug
If coffee didn't make me feel like my limbs will fly while I'm having a heart attack I'd be addicted to it too, even though a college buddy forbade me to touch the stuff after spending an hour with me on an iced-coffee high. But who am I kidding? I've never been committed enough to have an addiction to anything. Of course, I never tried crack or smack, but that's only because I've never wanted to be committed.
Yesterday I asked AR, who was bravely wrapping up Detox Day Two, if she missed the coffee more physically or psychologically. She said: I miss the smell of it; I miss the taste of it; I miss the feel of the mug in my hands; I miss going to get it; I miss drinking it while I read the paper; I miss drinking it while I work. . .
She went on like that for awhile, but I forget what she said because by then I was thinking about monkeys or something. See what I'm talking about? I've got no follow through. I can't stick around for the end of a sentence, let alone become so attached to something that I'd miss it with all my senses.
I guess you could say I'm addicted to AnnaRay. In fact, I think I have said that on occassion, but you know, it was just an expression. And I don't think you could say I'm addicted to TheBoy, because it feels more like he's part of my physical being.
So where does that leave me? I don't smoke; I don't drink (much); I don't eat meat except for fish; I don't eat refined sugar (much). I don't feel deprived in any way, though I do think it's lame that all this healthy living has not spared me from chronic illness. It would be nice if, when I can't remember the word "grapefruit" or when I get lost in my own neighborhood or when the world seems to shift slightly to the left, I could blame it on the drugs.
So maybe I should just start doing drugs. Any suggestions? Prescription pharmaceuticals need not apply.
posted by judybat at 4:35 PM
15 Comments:
While I would RIP THE LIMBS from anyone who would suggest I give up coffee,I honestly think my husband could take it or leave it. He likes coffee, but he doesn't NEED it like I do. You sound like him in his maddening, extreme moderation. I envy whatever y'all have that I clearly do not. I will have to send you a pic of my espresso machine so you can know the depth of my devotion to the drug.
I challenge you Vanessa. I believe that my espresso machine is more hard-core than yours.
As a coffee addict/aficionado, I can tell you that I as well share your sentiment that the individual looking to deprive me of my coffee better come armed. Actually, that person better come with an army.
I would as well like to comment on tea. The concept of tea sounds lovely to me. It seems like something I would love. You go out and get a whole bunch of groovy plants, throw'em in a bag and steep. There's a problem though. Tea tastes terrible. In all of its forms it is a truly miserable substance that is used best, in my estimation, as a weapon thrown at would-be burglars and small children wandering around Starbucks. I really find nothing good about it, aside from the beauty that is a hot toddy on a cold winter night.
I would love to recommend an addiction for you Judybat, but somehow that doesn't seem to be in the best interest of TheBoy.
I think Cynicaly is right (except for the coffee machine, which I will get to at the end). Tea tastes like @$$. I do like the TJ's (I am a Trader Joe Ho) Masala Chai brewed very very strong with a bit of sweetened condensed milk. I drink that sometimes, but all the vanilla, cinnamon and ginger in the chai make it tasty.
As for the Saeco Magic Deluxe, well, it IS pretty hard core. Bring it, Cynicali.
I meant Cynicali. Sorry! Also, I said in my last post that "but all the vanilla, cinnamon and ginger in the chai make it tasty," when I should have said "and."
As for the coffee maker, here it is:
http://www.everythingkitchens.com/saeco-Magic-Deluxe.htm
I am gonna go have a cafe cortado.
Judy- sorry to not be helpful with the drugs. I am a boring high school teacher and would discourage you from illegal activity.
Maybe I'll just tie a rubber band to my ankle, jump off of bridges and get addicted to endorphins. Portland has lots of bridges.
You could get addicted to cleaning, like my Aunt Doris, who scrubbed all the numbers off her stove. She was a little compulsive.
I only like cleaning when I have a paper to write or some other odious task to tackle. And then just try to get me away from the scrubbing bubbles.
Stop insulting tea. Tea is a lovely, calming, tasty treat, especially if it comes in peppermint or chamomile or some sort of tangy fruit zinger. Decaf tea is an acceptable alternative to coffee, which I'm not missing in the least bit now that I'm over my headaches. And the shivers. And the stomach aches. And the muscle soreness. And the constant, raging NEED FOR COFFEE NOW.
I am with you on the procrastination issue, Miss Judybat. My home gleams in a state of dust and grime-free asepsis when exams need to be graded or when my "evidentials" are due. Last time I scrubbed the grout in my bathroom with a toothbrush and bleach. It was a sight to behold me in the act, I am certain.
Solis Master 5000.
http://www.1stline.com/machines/home_mod/solis/5000.htm
I can count on one hand the things in this world better than coffee and a bagel on a cold winter Sunday morning.
Trader Joes is a great, but no tea anywhere does it for me, not even chai. Much like with coffee, I am against any adulteration of the beverage with things such as cream sugar or spices. This may be silly for tea as it is made of spices, but if you can't get the damn drink right in the bag, don't do it at all.
Cleaning? What's that?
Cleaning is cathartic. I am annoyed and sore at my husband right now (he is upset that I did not stake up the collapsing dahlias), so I might just polish my silverware. I do that when I am irritated.
That Solis 5000 is hot. I will call it "hott" with the extra, heavy metal "t."
I can't believe nobody has taken up Judy's original request for drug suggestions. What about good ol' pot? If it's good enough for Willie Nelson, it's got to be good for America.
Pot makes you FAT. It also makes television and music much better. Pot also makes you paranoid, and if you're like my old room mate, it makes you want to pick at imaginary blemishes and try to balance your checkbook. I had a friend in grad school who smoked up and spent the rest of the night hiding in the closet, convinced the people were coming to "get her." We had great fun laughing at her for the duration of the six week program.
Vaneesa I think we both win the coffee war.
I would have suggested pot but I forgot. Where are those cookies?
I've been thinking about pot a lot. I think it would do me good. Turns out it's prescribed for ms too. In some states. No thtis one.
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