Lessons learned in the woods

We took TheBoy camping this weekend in the hopes of acclimating him to life outdoors and teaching him some important lessons about the world. Here's what he learned:

- It rains a lot in Oregon. Even in July.
- When it rains, it gets kind of cold. Even in July.
- Food cooked outdoors tastes better, especially when served with challah and cheese.
- Wet wood is hard to light.
- Earthworms are disgusting. And fascinating.
- There is nothing in nature meaner than a teenaged girl.
- The ground is a hard, hard place to sleep.
- Sleeping next to your mommies on the ground in the tent is fun, especially if your diaper stinks.
- A stinky diaper in a small tent will make you no friends.
- Judybat steals the covers.
- AnnaRay is afraid of the dark and will stay awake desperately needing to pee rather than make the simple five-minute walk through the woods to the bathroom by herself.
- If your mommy sleeps with the blanket over her head to keep out the morning light, one sure way to wake her up is to bang your head into hers as hard as possible without drawing blood.
- Baby salmon are small.
- Adult salmon are BIG.
- Salmon will attempt to swim upstream, even if upstream means over a 4-foot-high fence or into a 3-foot-high metal pipe.
- It's really tough being a salmon.
- If you splash in too many puddles, your socks AND shoes get soaking wet, and you have to wait in the car in your sandals while mommies pack the car.
- If your mommies neglect to take a diaper change on a hike and leave you in your dirty one, you will get one nasty rash.
- If you stand directly behind your mommy while she's taking things out of the car and she doesn't see you, she will accidentally hit you in the face with the car door. The car door will draw blood.
- If you pick up dirt and put it in your mouth and don't like the taste, mommy will clean your tongue off with the sleeve of her shirt.

That's love, baby.