A confederacy of numbers

In the interest of moving things in a more practical direction, let's look at some numbers:

Lawyer's fees for drawing up 2 wills, 2 powers of attorney and 2 healthcare powers of attorney that would not be necessary were we able to legally marry: $750

Fees for same-sex, second parent adoption that would not be necessary were we able to legally marry: $1,500

One big happy family: Priceless

Actually, I suggested to AnnaRay that we not adopt each other's children, (she is at bat for the next one,) because we could then each declare ourselves as a head of household with 1 dependent and save a bundle on taxes. But it's not just the money I'm after; it's the feeling of flipping the metaphorical bird to a government that insists on denying us equal rights based on the outlandish notion that allowing us to marry would threaten the venerable institution of marriage, thereby rending the very fabric of our society. Seriously, can someone explain that to me? Can someone explain how we, a paragon of monogamy providing a loving, stable and smoke-free environment for our child, are a threat to the matrimonial bonds of Mr. and Mrs. Heterosexual? (Actually, divorce rates have been declining since 1992 - the same year Ellen Degeneres came out.)

Instead of banning gay marriage, how about requiring couples to be at least 25 years of age before they can marry, since those marrying younger are twice as likely to get divorced. And while we're at it, maybe we should ban born-again Christians from marrying, since they have among the highest divorce rates in the country. Let's not stop there - let's have a constitutional amendment to ban Bible-belt marriages, since the divorce rate in southern states is 50 percent above the national average.

But I digress. AnnaRay has a profoud desire to adopt The Boy, which outweighs any satisfaction I might derive from thumbing my nose at the government and saving a few (hundred) bucks. I find it interesting she feels this way, because she couldn't possibly be any more of a mom to him than she already is. Also, she's always saying if and when gay marriage is legalized, we might not even bother to get a license, since a piece of paper wouldn't make us any more married than we are now. Funny, because I'm already planning the party we're going to have when we get married under the law.

Adoption will also mean a great deal to the grandparents - AnnaRay's parents, that is - but I suspect that's because, having married in the Baptist church in North Carolina when they were 19 or 20 or so, they've got more divorces than children between them, and therefore have a different sense of the mutability of marriage than my folks do - all New York Jews who married after the age of 25 with not a divorce among us. (Except for my grandfather, but I don't think that should count, since he was 92 when he divorced his wife of 30+ years, which says more about the sanity in our family than how we feel about marriage.) My point is that Anna's folks (stepfolks included) are nuts about The Boy and can't bear the thought of ever being parted from him. In fact, the one thing we kept harping on to ameliorate the pain of our moving Their Boy 3,000 miles across the country was that AnnaRay could adopt him in Oregon and make them legal grandparents. Not that a piece of paper will make these people any more loving and caring and willing to spoil the kid than they already are. The irony is that in many states the parents of our anonymous sperm donor, whoever they may be, have more legal rights over The Boy than 5 people (that includes AnnaRay) who actually love him.