Do I laugh or cry?

Two years ago, Judybat got me the best birthday present ever, an iPod, serving as the enabler of what would become a serious iTunes addiction. (It's cheaper than crack, slightly.) I could spend several days explaining everything that is wonderful about Apple and their music service, how it's broadened my musical horizons and made me a better person and filled those long hours in the car and helped me find 8 different covers of "Against All Odds" when I'm really in a mood to get on my beloved's nerves. But . . . I do have some issues with Apple's newest way-to-spend-money, what they're calling their 'iTunes Essentials.'

The idea is to offer those of us who are musically challenged collections of songs that we might want, grouped into easy-to-find categories. Like, say, "Motown Classics." Or "Ella Fitzgerald." Or "Guilty Pleasures." Or, and here's where the ranting begins, "Gay Pride: Girls."

Now, I've got no problem showing my gay pride, whatever that's supposed to mean and whatever Judybat might say. (See below for a discussion of my frequent attempts to ravish my sweetpea in public. See my closet for all the sartorial proof you need.) What bothers me here is the assorted crap that the good folks in Steve Jobs-land seem to believe lesbians think represent them. There is, of course, the stuff you would expect: Indigo Girls, check. kd lang, yep. Janis Ian, of course. They've also, to their credit, included artists you might never have heard of unless, you know, you're a dyke. (Nobody out there wants to hear my ode to Catie Curtis, do they?)

But after that, it sort of falls apart. Jewel? Diana Krall? The Go-Gos? "She Bop???" (I love Cyndi Lauper, but don't straight girls masturbate too?) We need a rule: Just because a song was used in "The L Word" or, even worse, "Kissing Jessica Stein," that doesn't mean I have to take any pride in it. OK? OK.

Oh, yeah, and just because I ripped Apple, that doesn't mean I'm giving up my iTunes. Or that I don't already have a lot of these songs on my iPod. As I said, I have a problem.


Useless information of the day: Cyndi Lauper is 50, and recently toured with Cher. Be-bop-a-lu.