It's time again...

for my favorite game: Three Things I Saw And One That I Didn't, OR, as The Boy likes to call it: You Don't See That Everyday!

Here are four things we saw on our morning bike commute; guess which one I made up:

1. A black pig rooting around in a neighbor's garden

2. A homeless man in clown shoes smoking a cigarette

3. The sun

4. Barak Obama standing on a front porch smiling under a Santa hat

And here's a bonus question: How many chickens did we see in a tree on the way home?

Oh, how I love Portland.

Dayenu

I feel I owe George W. Bush a debt of gratitude.

Eight years ago, after Clinton's philanderings precipitated Bush's win by forcing Al Gore to distance himself from a reasonably successful administration - not to mention a great campaigner - I consoled myself with the thought that after one term of this election-stealing poser, the country would be ready to elect a real president. I mean, how much damage could one man do in four years?

Let's tally it up, shall we?

If Bush had lied us into a war with the strategy of a bumbling cock and no exit plan, it would have been enough.

If he had lied us into a war with no exit plan and not further instigated enmity among other foreign countries, it would have been enough.

If he had instigated enmity among foreign countries and not alienated our allies, it would have been enough.

If he had alienated our allies and not decimated our civil rights, it would have been enough.

If he had decimated our civil rights and not allowed big business to poison our environment, it would have been enough.

If he had poisoned our environment and not implemented a damaging education policy, it would have been enough.

If he had implemented damaging education policy and not neglected the infrastructure that protect the poorest among us, it would have been enough.

If he had neglected the infrastructure and and not waged a war on scientific reason, intellectual discussion and dissent, it would have been enough.

If he had not waged a war on scientific reason, intellectual discussion and dissent and not deregulated the economy into ruin, it would have been enough.

Have I forgotten anything?

Just like Clinton and his undisciplined penis, George W. Bush allowed his Dick to run rampant, souring the electorate on anything remotely associated with his administration. He failed this country by every possible measure on every conceivable front, (his domestic policy may be tragic, but at least his foreign policy is catastrophic,) which allowed Senator Obama to glide into the Oval Office, along with countless (I haven't counted them) Democrats unseating Republican incumbents.

Sure Obama ran a brilliant campaign, while McCain's brings to mind cliches like train wreck, nuclear holocaust and Waterworld, but would this country have elected a black president had Bush's spectacular abuses not made us us desperate for change? And while the thought of passing this historic milestone makes me a weepy with hope, the thing I'm truly excited about is that all of a sudden, people see the key to saving our country lies in saving our environment. This is not a new idea, but we're finally getting to hear about in places like The New York Times and not just Mother Jones.

Sometimes you have to hit bottom before you can reach great heights, so thank you George, for exceeding my wildest expectations.

Make your own adventure

Nana and Pop are in town, which means the laundry's done, the house is clean and AnnaRay and I have been relieved of parenting duties. In light of these remarkable turn of events, AR and I struck out - just the tow of us - for a grown-up adventure. As we headed south on I5, minus the car seats and their whiny occupants, I felt an old sense of freedom and was reminded of the summer between my last year of high school and my first year of college, when I felt like I was capable of anything and everything was possible. Forget second childhood - I just got to enjoy a second adulthood.

Here are some of photos: (Not pictured is the Coquille Indian Tribe's hotel and casino, where AR gambled late into the night [11 p.m.] and we slept in [till 9 a.m.] on the king-sized bed overlooking Coos Bay. Also not pictured are the Elk we saw hanging out by the side of the road as we drove home, or the diner in Elkton where we stopped for lunch and were reminded that Twin Peaks was indeed set in Oregon. Mmm, Cherry pie.)

This is where we would have seen the sea lions if there were any sea lions to be seen in the sea lion cave - the largest sea cave in the world, according to Ripley's Believe It Or Not. On this day, the sea lions were out frolicking in the surf, but the cave was cool to see anyway.

And tis is the view from the other side of the cave. Can you see the waterfall on the right and the lighthouse in the distance?

Here is AR looking out toward the ocean from the dunesin Suislaw National Forest.

And here is AR trekking back over the dunes.

And here I am hurling myself off one of the dunes. Ok, maybe it was more of a second childhood after all.

a loss for words

I can't recall ever hearing my mother curse in anger. Or ever, really. It's one of the ways I try to emulate her as a mom, because I think it's cool. Aside from the whole not-wanting-my kids-to-curse thing, I think falling back on cursing betrays a certain lack of imagination.

My imagination fails me all the time, of course. There just nothing so satisfying at times as spewing forth a few expletives - like scratching an itch in some hard-to-reach spot. And while I've been pretty good about holding back in front of the kids, I've been feeling lately like I need to make an exception.

We've entered the rainy season here in Portland, and it's beginning to get cold, too, but I am loathe to give up my bike commute. I love the exercise at least as much as I hate to drive, and even a bad day on the bike beats a good day in the car. The Boy, however, shares my commute (on a trail-a-bike hitched on back,) but not my enthusiasm. I've tried reasoning with him by explaining the high cost of parking and how bad bad driving is for the environment, and I've tried bribing him. The bribes seem to work best. I bought a shiny red thermos - a novelty in itself to a five-year-old boy - and told him that every cold and/or rainy morning he agrees to bike in with me he will be rewarded at school with a steaming cup of cocoa.

This morning, which was fairly cold and very wet, he donned his rain gear and ear warmers and hopped on the bike without complaint. He was such a trooper, and I wanted to let him know how proud of him I am. I wanted to give him something more than warm chocolate to chase the chill - something he can hold onto, to make him feel more fierce than the weather. I want to let him know that he's a bad ass.

"You know what you are?" I asked him as he stood stiffly by the bike, rain dripping off his helmet as he waited patiently for me to unload the thermos. "You're a tough guy," I said. "A real tough guy."

Perhaps he found some satisfaction in that, but I sure as hell didn't.

Autumn haiku

Welcome, Portland rain,
chase blue skies and refugees
of high-priced housing.

That's my girl

In case anyone out there doubted that The Girl came out of me, this was our day care provider's written description of her day:

"She enjoyed playing with her friends, but then she wanted to be by herself and so took some books in a corner to be alone. She seemed very happy there."

Oh, I'm sure she did. I could not be prouder of my little loner-in-training.

His brisket is beyond

I have nothing intelligent to say this week, between too much work and a nasty case of vertigo and running around stuffing money in pillowcases because George Bush told me to. Instead, here's something to watch. And remember, as we say in the newspaper business: You don't have to use facts. Use threats.


The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.